j’s wife & our first kiss

so J and i met briefly at the art gallery ( read the first meeting here ) and i hopped into a cab.  the next morning was a sunday … sundays tend to be my snooze day where i sleep on and off allllll day and watch bad tv or read a good book in between naps.  it is lovely.  really.  like i just woke up now and it is sunday and i am typing and then i will go back to sleep for a bit and when i wake up i will write some more.

anyway … J’s wife.  when i met him we did not talk much.  there was no ring (not that a ring is an indication of anything one way or another) and there was no mention of marriage … no opportunity.

i woke up early that sunday and laid in bed holding my cell phone.  i sent him a text:  “lacroix has the best brunch. join me at 1pm?”

i received one word back – “yes.”

a thrill shot through me.  yes worked for me.

when i arrived at the restaurant, he was already at a table, looking a bit nervous and checking his cell phone every foew seconds.  i know this because i watched him for a few moments to see if that attraction from the previous night was still there.  he was tall and lanky with glasses that hid beautiful blue eyes.  those blue eyes found me watching him and his face broke out in a crooked grin.

i smiled back and joined him at the table.  we just looked at each other for a few moments.  to break it, i held out the glass waiting and said, “champagne?”

lacroix has some of the best food in the universe.  i cannot remember what we ate.  i remember the conversation and him.  everything else fell out of focus.

he was in the city for business and leaving tuesday to go back to london.  he flew back and forth every 6-8 weeks working on an engineering project.  he lived in the outskirts of london … and then the bomb dropped … with his family and his wife.

i blinked a few times and then tried to be as casual as possible as i waited for him to continue.  “not here,” he said, “it’s complicated.”

it is always complicated.

we finished our meal and left lacroix.  i paid.  he got a bit indignant but i had invited him so i was paying.  period.  plus it made me feel a bit more in control, if that was supposed to help.

that afternoon had turned cold and breezy so i invited him back to my place with a stern “to talk, nothing else” and he grinned that silly gorgeous crooked grin again and i thought to myself, “i am sunk.”

my living room is wall to wall books.  i had the shelves bit in and a fireplace is in the center of the main wall.  I have my desk and several wingback chairs and one comfy loveseat.  i made coffee while he built a fire and then we settled down on the floor in front of the fireplace.

“so tell me,” i said.

and he did.  they had met in college – 21 years ago.  had an on again, off again relationship through college and then decided to stay together after.  they had three children.  she had not worked in 15 years and she was “fragile”.  i raised an eyebrow at that and he hastened to explain, not fragile like ill but fragile like no way to make it in the world without him.  her children were her life.

“what about you?” i asked.

“ah.  well, she does not love me anymore.  the children are what keep us together.”

to make a long story short since it was months before i felt like i had all the pieces, he was still madly in love with a woman that neither liked him nor found him attractive any longer.  they had compunctory sex every week or two which included no kissing or foreplay.  just intercourse.

i remember i shocked him by bursting into laughter and laying on the floor, saying in a falsetto, “i will take one for the queen.”

then we laughed together.  and i felt a small piece of my heart break.  i could see that he was in love with her.  i could see that he was pained by the distance and coldness in the relationship.  i could also see that he was profoundly lonely in that relationship.  but did i want to jump into that mix?

and then he kissed me.  softly.  tentatively.  like a first kiss from a young boy.  i had been thinking so hard that i did not see him lean in.  and i placed both of my hands on his cheeks and looked into those blue eyes and kissed him back for all i was worth.

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